What's that smell?

Today's topic: death! *maniacal mad-scientist laughter*

Or, I should say, burials. After listening to a recent podcast from Stuff You Should Know (entitled "What can be done with a dead body"), I was rethinking my limited knowledge on alternatives to your average $10,000 burial in a steel vault pickled in formaldehyde. Why, you may ask, would a 27 year old female in a country with readily available healthcare need to think on such things? Because I feel it my eternal and unrelenting duty to let my loving family and friends be well aware of my intense views on all things bizarre and unconventional. Just kidding! As an eco-friendly member of Planet Earth, I take very seriously attempts to maintain those beautiful resources we still have, correct what has been defaced, and prevent our own self-destruction via planetary dessication.

Still, I am a fairly average consumer, and I realize that not everyone can become a full-blown tree-hugger overnight. It's simply a matter of doing what you can, when you can, and thankfully, many alternatives are now available that require nothing other than a choice--you don't have to commit your life to eating grubs from your backyard and running around in clothes made from old tea-bags. Two new things I've done lately (amongst others) are to buy papertowels and toilet paper made from recycled products, and to keep a market tote in my car so that plastic grocery bags are no longer necessary. The point is, small changes make a difference. And why should burial be any different?

Average burials are not only extremely expensive, but wasteful of land and resources (think of all the beautiful old-wood trees cut down to make coffins). We're buried lying down, requiring more space than to be buried standing up. And while we're at it, let's just douse ourselves in embalming fluid so that not only will we not rot and repay our dues to Nature, but we'll just leak a little more chemical love into the ground. No wonder frogs are showing up in Pascagoula with 13 legs.

The point is, to all you loved ones, were anything to happen to me, I have now publically declaimed that I do NOT want a standard burial. Almost anything else would suffice (except basic cremation--also wasteful). As I'm traveling to Africa in a few months, if a lion eats me, great! Don't try and bring back any tattered remains for a burial--just let the dear lion get on with it. The Last Snack of Lindsay. And if I'm just killed in some regular old way (terrorists, diamond wars, malaria, etc), think before I stink.

As a list of choices for what to do with my final earthly remains, or if any of you are interested for yourselves, here are some alternatives you may like to consider. See which fits your corpse-ality best!

* Have a LifeGem created from your ashes--a diamond really is forever! (Note: personally I would not choose this--I mean, what if some well-meaning friend drops you down the drain, or you get accidentally swallowed by Aunt Maddie's poodle? You know what happens then. Or even worse, years from now someone simply mistakes you for a regular old diamond? That's no fun.)

* Shoot your remains into space--enjoy the final frontier!

* Do your part to help REALLY create biofuels--turn your body into a battery (literally) with the Afterlife Project. Your body is hooked to a battery charger in the form of your headstone, and all your loving Left-Behind can come and charge their iPods and cell phones on your liquified love.

* Save the oceans--become a true conservative by having your ashes mixed with concrete and formed into artificial coral reefs!

* Green burials--lacking on the pickling factor, you're buried as is: no preservatives other than refrigeration, buried in a biodegradable casket (or even a favorite shroud!), and have your resting place designated as a conservation site, protecting it from future development.

* Have yourself flash-frozen then cracked into millions of tiny pieces and buried under a tree--the tree is your memorial, and will flower with your memory every year. Choose something with particularly allergic pollen to really make everyone remember you! (just kidding!)

* Be creative! There's lots more out there!

Last but not least, stupidity at work: http://www.funerals.org/newsandalerts/consumer-alerts/446-georgia-county-bans-green-burial-fca-responds

I hope everyone has a wonderful day, living, breathing, researching!

Links to get started:
http://www.lifegem.com/

http://environmentdebate.wordpress.com/2008/08/05/the-afterlife-project-feeding-power-of-the-dead-into-your-electronic-gadgets/

http://www.memorialspaceflights.com/services.asp

http://www.eternalreefs.com/

http://life.gaiam.com/gaiam/p/HowtoBeGreenintheAfterlife.html