What's that smell?

Today's topic: death! *maniacal mad-scientist laughter*

Or, I should say, burials. After listening to a recent podcast from Stuff You Should Know (entitled "What can be done with a dead body"), I was rethinking my limited knowledge on alternatives to your average $10,000 burial in a steel vault pickled in formaldehyde. Why, you may ask, would a 27 year old female in a country with readily available healthcare need to think on such things? Because I feel it my eternal and unrelenting duty to let my loving family and friends be well aware of my intense views on all things bizarre and unconventional. Just kidding! As an eco-friendly member of Planet Earth, I take very seriously attempts to maintain those beautiful resources we still have, correct what has been defaced, and prevent our own self-destruction via planetary dessication.

Still, I am a fairly average consumer, and I realize that not everyone can become a full-blown tree-hugger overnight. It's simply a matter of doing what you can, when you can, and thankfully, many alternatives are now available that require nothing other than a choice--you don't have to commit your life to eating grubs from your backyard and running around in clothes made from old tea-bags. Two new things I've done lately (amongst others) are to buy papertowels and toilet paper made from recycled products, and to keep a market tote in my car so that plastic grocery bags are no longer necessary. The point is, small changes make a difference. And why should burial be any different?

Average burials are not only extremely expensive, but wasteful of land and resources (think of all the beautiful old-wood trees cut down to make coffins). We're buried lying down, requiring more space than to be buried standing up. And while we're at it, let's just douse ourselves in embalming fluid so that not only will we not rot and repay our dues to Nature, but we'll just leak a little more chemical love into the ground. No wonder frogs are showing up in Pascagoula with 13 legs.

The point is, to all you loved ones, were anything to happen to me, I have now publically declaimed that I do NOT want a standard burial. Almost anything else would suffice (except basic cremation--also wasteful). As I'm traveling to Africa in a few months, if a lion eats me, great! Don't try and bring back any tattered remains for a burial--just let the dear lion get on with it. The Last Snack of Lindsay. And if I'm just killed in some regular old way (terrorists, diamond wars, malaria, etc), think before I stink.

As a list of choices for what to do with my final earthly remains, or if any of you are interested for yourselves, here are some alternatives you may like to consider. See which fits your corpse-ality best!

* Have a LifeGem created from your ashes--a diamond really is forever! (Note: personally I would not choose this--I mean, what if some well-meaning friend drops you down the drain, or you get accidentally swallowed by Aunt Maddie's poodle? You know what happens then. Or even worse, years from now someone simply mistakes you for a regular old diamond? That's no fun.)

* Shoot your remains into space--enjoy the final frontier!

* Do your part to help REALLY create biofuels--turn your body into a battery (literally) with the Afterlife Project. Your body is hooked to a battery charger in the form of your headstone, and all your loving Left-Behind can come and charge their iPods and cell phones on your liquified love.

* Save the oceans--become a true conservative by having your ashes mixed with concrete and formed into artificial coral reefs!

* Green burials--lacking on the pickling factor, you're buried as is: no preservatives other than refrigeration, buried in a biodegradable casket (or even a favorite shroud!), and have your resting place designated as a conservation site, protecting it from future development.

* Have yourself flash-frozen then cracked into millions of tiny pieces and buried under a tree--the tree is your memorial, and will flower with your memory every year. Choose something with particularly allergic pollen to really make everyone remember you! (just kidding!)

* Be creative! There's lots more out there!

Last but not least, stupidity at work: http://www.funerals.org/newsandalerts/consumer-alerts/446-georgia-county-bans-green-burial-fca-responds

I hope everyone has a wonderful day, living, breathing, researching!

Links to get started:
http://www.lifegem.com/

http://environmentdebate.wordpress.com/2008/08/05/the-afterlife-project-feeding-power-of-the-dead-into-your-electronic-gadgets/

http://www.memorialspaceflights.com/services.asp

http://www.eternalreefs.com/

http://life.gaiam.com/gaiam/p/HowtoBeGreenintheAfterlife.html

Why?

So as of today, I'm beginning a blog. There are several reasons for this, the most important being that as I am Master of my Own Universe, I am well aware that all others out there (either actually existing or as a creation of my own consciousness, in which case it may be argued that, Why would I have a consciousness singly and without context? So congratulations! You exist! In other words (mine, of course), "I think, therefore you are!") will want to hang on my every passing thought and contemplation.

But don't worry, all you fabulous organic constructs! This shall not be merely another man's vain attempt to create a semblance of meaning and importance in one's life by greasing that slippery little fellow, our friend the Ego! No! (Or maybe it will be.) In fact, I actually have a purpose for this disgusting creation of falsified importance, the personal BLOG. As anyone who may (or may not) read this will know, I am to be joining the Peace Corps later this year, travelling to that beautiful dark continent, Africa! If all goes as planned, I leave in August. Therefore, I thought this may be the best way for me to keep in touch with family and friends while I wile away the hours in beautiful simplicity. Later, according to the terms of this site, I will be able to post pics (of course, only those showing me with less than three chins), and others can comment as well to keep me updated on their doings and derring-do. I can't now know if I will have internet, phone, electricity, water, food...but to cover all bets, I'm starting this now, to become familiar with the process. I suppose even if I am in the darkest reaches of Africa, I can walk three days and three nights to the nearest computer to post to all my long-suffering friends and family. And then you would feel very special. Which is my intent in all things. :)


So without further ado, welcome to World of Lindsay! (Those who know me also know I answer to Scarlet, or Charlotte (that one's for you, Sheila!)).